Want a Better Social Life? Get Bored.

What do rats, entertainment, and boredom teach us about human connection?

Thanks for the invite to the party, but I will press this lever instead!

Rat experiment

In the 1950s, researchers hooked electric wires into the brains of rats that could be activated when the rats pressed a lever. Pressing the lever would stimulate the rat's brain's pleasure centers, leading to the rats pressing it thousands of times per hour. Some of the rodents pressed the lever so much they died of starvation. While the initial researchers thought it made the rats continuously feel good, later research suggested that the animals simply felt a powerful compulsion to press the lever.

Fast-forward to today, and some modern tech is alarmingly starting to look a lot like a human version of this 1950s experiment. By getting us to spend hours daily on our devices, tech and media companies can make a big profit by showing us advertisements. But what did we even do before smartphones and TV existed?

The Rise of Powerful, Attention-Grabbing Tech

Businesses have created technology that is incredibly powerful at getting our attention, whether through entertainment or simply constantly keeping us connected to work or news.

Prior to modern digital media and connectivity, our primary forms of entertainment almost always involved socializing, from things like telling stories around a fire to community dances.

Even without wires hooked into our brains, tech companies are devising powerful ways to push us into compulsive (profit-generating) behaviors. Short-form video platforms, for example, have been called "dopamine machines" by doctors due to their powerful effects on the brain.

As a community, we consume a lot of technology. Studies in the U.S. suggest the average household watches around 2-3 hours of television daily, and the average person uses a smartphone for 3-5 hours per day.

Much like the lever in the rat experiment, these forms of technology cause us to neglect the very activities that keep us alive.

How This Affects Socialization

People using phones on a bus

Just reading the title of this recent (Feb 2025) article says a lot: Blocking mobile internet on smartphones improves sustained attention, mental health, and subjective well-being.

Compulsive technology use may even disrupt parts of the brain responsible for social cognition, making it harder to connect with others.

Overall, engaging with modern tech is easier, more intrusive (harder to avoid), and more addictive than talking to people, especially people different from ourselves. Because of this, we are probably talking to fewer, less diverse people while we are using tech more.

Instead of going out to a group activity, we stay home scrolling. Instead of making a phone call, we post a comment. Even in public spaces (on trains, in cafes, in checkout lines), we default to our phones instead of engaging with those around us - even when staring at our phones isn't particularly fun.

Human connection is increasingly recognized as essential for our lives, health, and relationships and lays the foundation for our communities.

The Power of Boredom

Bored person sitting alone

Ironically, we might be able to reverse our tech-driven social weakness by embracing something we instinctively try to avoid: boredom. While boredom may encompass a wide range of experiences, the kind of boredom we have when we intentionally step away from compulsive digital habits (like doom-scrolling) can be helpful.

Allowing ourselves to be bored can create a peaceful space to think, reflect, and connect.

Some of the best conversations used to happen in moments of shared boredom:

  • Waiting in line
  • Sitting on a train or plane
  • Hanging out with friends with nothing particular to do

How to Embrace Boredom and Improve Your Social Life

People talking on a plane

The practice here is something that may be challenging at first, but we think you'll see powerful effects if you persist:

To tap into the power of boredom, we can practice appreciating it. If you chronically check your phone, like we do, put it down for a few minutes and try to enjoy those moments without checking it.

Here are some ideas:

  • Do a Digital Detox – Take a break from screens, even if just for a few hours a day.
  • Meditate – Try different techniques to reduce compulsive tech behavior and promote calmness.
  • Have 1-on-1 conversations – Deep, meaningful conversations can be deeply rewarding.

For many of us, so much of our lives are consumed by habit-forming technology that doesn't actually feel that good but can be hard to escape. Appreciating the boredom associated with slowing down or detaching from tech may open space for us to develop a powerful appreciation for human connection as well.